This is an amazing excerpt from a book by Daniel K. Judd (First Counselor in the Sunday School General Presidency) called
Eternal Families. It's a little long, but it's been so helpful to me as a parent that I HAD to share:
The Lord's Threefold Approach
In D&C 121 of the Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord gives us the model for relating to, as well as for correcting or reproving, our children. In this gospel model we learn about three important aspects of the approach we must take as parents: (1) low anxiety, (2) high power, and (3) high support.
1. Low anxiety. In verses 41 and 42 the Lord lists qualities and attitudes that we must have in our hearts:persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, kindness, and pure knowledge. To use persuasion is to reason, urge, induce, or plead movingly. Long-suffering means to take a calm, patient approach. These qualities, the Lord tells us, must characterize our relationships with our children. They suggest that we should take a low-anxiety, calm approach to parenting.
High anxiety and impatience are among the most damaging characteristics we can have as parents to make a crisis out of everything, to overreact, to make mountains out of mole hills. We can learn not to overreact by concentrating on taking things calmly and seeking the guidance and help of the Spirit in taking a calmer view of life.
2. High power. The Lord gives us additional counsel on how to proceed when correction or discipline become necessary: "Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost" (verse 43). Betimes, as used in Joseph Smith's day, is defined as "quickly or right away"not "occasionally,"which is a more recent usage of the word. And while sharpness indicates that a person moved upon by the Spirit might use bold language (see 2 Ne. 1:26), this does not give us license to be vindictive, cruel, or in any way unrighteous. This wording suggests that, in addition to our low-anxiety approach to parenting, we also take a high-poweror fair, firm, and consistent approach.
3. High support. The Lord then adds that after reproving in the way he has set forth, we must["[show]forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy" (verse 43). This wording suggests that we also incorporate a high-support or warm, loving, and nurturing approach.
Of the three dimensions listed above, the most important is the first: low anxiety. Our anxiety level dictates how we will use the other two dimensions of power and support. We use our power more effectively, and we are able to give love and support more honestly, when we are calm, not when we are anxious and uptight. Of course, even though low anxiety is the most important, without love nothing will work very well in the end.
When we are (1) calm, (2) fair, firm, and consistent, and (3) warm, loving, and nurturing, our children tend to be progressive, self-reliant, responsible, and confident. We won't be threatened by our children's misbehavior. Instead, we will set high standards and compassionately help our children meet those standards. We will allow our children to make mistakes; withdrawing our approval (not our love) when they misbehave will motivate them to change in order to regain our approval. And, of course, we will be quick to forgive and to["[show] forth afterwards an increase of love."
The kiss of the sun for pardon,
For those who haven't yet heard, my mom Kari was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Fortunately, thanks to the cutting edge technology of a digital mammogram, it was caught in it's infancy and so far it looks like she will need only one surgery and radiation (not chemotherapy).
This a drawing Emma did last year and I just came across it again and had to post it. She said it's daddy when he's mad. (He's on the left).
I got my hands on a super amazing photo scanner this week and was able to scan about 550 of my old photos in about 1 hour. I thought it would be fun to post this one of my first roomies at Ricks. That was one of the funnest times of my life. Love you guys!
Today I had an epiphany. I'm sure you've heard the old adage, "Money Isn't Everything." It seems I've heard that message from movies and music and people in general over and over since I was little. As a result, I subconsciously decided that it didn't matter if I had money or not, and that too much preoccupation with it would mean I was selfish and worldly. Saving and planning for the future would take care of itself when it was meant to be.
My Brooke is the girliest-girly-girl of all time. She is only 2 and already adores makeup, dresses, shoes, nail polish, jewelry, perfume, lotion, and when she gets some hair, I'm sure she'll be all about that, too. Today she spotted these press-on nails at the store and HAD to have them. She calls them her "fashion nails." I think she's going to be a beautician.
Alan tries extra hard to spend time with the girls when he's actually home. I HAD to get a photo of this!
So Alan has decided that the area of law he would like to pursue is IP Law (Intellectual Property Law). He found out today that he will have to take the Patent Bar and that he must be "qualified" to do so. In order to be qualified, he has to either become a licensed engineer or earn yet another degree, this time in Computer Science (apparently his Computer Information Systems Degree isn't sufficient). So this means after law school is done, we get to look forward to MORE schooling! Dude, Are You Serious?! Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for our opportunities but with all this schooling, maybe he should have become a brain surgeon instead!
