Today I am 28 years old. Yep. Yesiree.
I wish I could say that I'm excited, but I seriously think I'm having my first mid-life crisis. Let me explain:
This is the first year I haven't been excited about my birthday. I'm unexpectedly uncomfortable being another year older.
Not in an "I'm running out to buy $180 anti-wrinkle cream" kind of way, but it's just now hitting me that I won't be young forever-- that I'll never be 22 again.
I know I sound really melodramatic, but I feel really weird this year. I even deleted my birthday from my Facebook profile because I almost don't even want to acknowledge it or have others acknowledge it. This is the first year I've wanted to stare it down and back it into a corner until it retreats into submission. I don't want to be forced to be an "adult" and 28 sounds so terribly adult to me.
Lately I find myself constantly scanning my brain and all my memories to check and double check that what I've done with my life up until this point is worthy. Have I done any good? Have I contributed to society? Have I wasted my life thus far? I know I have achieved some important goals-- I've earned my Bachelor's degree, married my love in the Temple, and I have two beautiful children. So why isn't that enough? Is there more?
Perhaps I'm waking up for the first time, realizing how much there is to do and see in life and that time is flying by so quickly. That I need to stop sleeping in so much and seize the day! That I need to make more plans, experience more new experiences-- stop being so afraid!-- infuse more meaning into my day-to-day life! Maybe I've been telling myself that once the exhaustion of raising young children ends and law school has a fork stuck in it, I will then begin to LIVE and take charge of my life, and until that day I must merely survive.
Guess what self-- time will not wait for the children to get older and less demanding. Time doesn't care about when graduation is.
Life is happening now-- every day.
So I'm 28 today. Yep. Yesiree.
P.S. This birthday has inspired me to consider writing a bucket list. Here are some of the things (mostly traveling) I'd like to do before I kick the bucket:
*riding jet skis in Hawaii with Alan (and snorkeling again)
*seeing U2 in concert w/ good seats
*eating real Gelato in Rome
*exploring the Mediterranean for at least 2 weeks (Greece, the islands, etc)
*going back to the Dominican Republic
*visiting Germany where Alan lived and eating fresh bread at the bakery
*going on a Meso America/Book of Mormon tour
*completing my family history
*completing my scrapbooking
*renting a cabin at lake Tahoe with my family for a week
And I'm sure that's just the beginning!
