Emotional Growth

I was a teenage bride. We married when I was 19 and Alan was 23.  I saw him as SO much older and wiser than me. Naturally, I looked to him for advice, support, and reassurance as any wife should. But I'm pretty sure I may have taken it to a whole new level. From the very beginning of our relationship, I instinctively perceived he was more advanced than me emotionally, and I was very attracted to this and the fact that I could lean on him. And I did. Often.

If I was feeling insecure about something, I felt it was his job to walk me through it, every time. If I was struggling with a challenge, I would declare to him that I couldn't handle it and that life was too hard. I expected him to single-handedly solve many of my problems. I wanted him to have all the answers.

Plus I have an uncanny ability to make things be about me, my fears, and my insecurities that actually are NOT about me, my fears, or my insecurities. I am so good at this that I can do it without even realizing it! How's that for multi tasking!?

I married an extremely patient man.

I remember often sitting up late in bed in our first apartment in Rexburg, Idaho talking about my problems. Alan would listen, give advice, and try to teach me about how life is hard for a reason and about how pain can be for our growth and learning. (Truths that I still struggle with.) He would even use humor and we shared many laughs together about my immaturity and how some of my thought processes made little sense. He helped open my mind to many new concepts and ideas. I am grateful, but it must have been such a burden to feel like he had to carry me so often for years.

I remember him commenting from time to time about how he wished he didn't always have to be the strong one and that it would be nice if I was a little more independent and self assured. And you know what? Deep down, I wanted that, too. I just didn't know how to get there. It turns out that for me, it took time and growth. I needed to mature and have a few more life experiences, and as life always does, it handed them out to me generously.

The dynamics of our relationship have changed significantly since the early days of our marriage. I am more independent and self assured and I am better at handling life's challenges, or at least I like to think so. I know I have grown and stretched. I still need his support and always ask for his advice, but I hope I am also able to be the strong one and carry him when he needs it, too. I am not very good at this, but know I do try.

People thought we were crazy for marrying so young, and maybe in some ways we were. We had very limited references as to what the real world was about and we were very naive about what it would take to run a household. But we did know a few things about living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and about forgiveness and commitment and honesty. And about getting up and trying again when you fall.

One thing is for sure-- I am forever grateful to a young, patient husband who so lovingly took my hand and listened and led. I can honestly say that Alan has never waivered in his dedication to me, even in my annoyingly neediest of times. His influence has shaped and molded me into who I am. It's fascinating to me how God pairs people together who give each other just the right nudges in a certain direction, and just the right amount of sanding and polish to make them shine.

And here's us on a date the other night: