I sure have a tough time with this, when things don't fit neatly into the little compartments in my mind. I always pictured most things in life would go according to my schedule and checklist and I would gratifyingly mark them off as I went along my way. It's not that I thought I'd have a fairy tale life. I knew things would be challenging at times, but life can be really, really messy. And I like clean and organized. There are bumps in the road-- sometimes lots of them. And I've always fought each bump with gritted teeth.
When I graduated from college seven years ago, I started to look around and suddenly I saw that not everything fits neatly into my compartments. Still I pressed on, thinking it was just a phase. But now the frightening reality that it's not a phase is finally hitting me. That life is actually filled to the brim with messes and challenges non-box shaped, and it's scary. For example, we've moved 9 times in 9 years. I never imagined it would take that long to settle down. And law school didn't work out. It's going to be a while before I heal from that one. So much MONEY and TIME and energy and MONEY (did I mention money?) feels wasted. And I was always sure I'd have four kids, all two years apart. Turns out I can barely handle two.
I guess my challenge is to be accepting of the messes. And to trust that the Lord has a different compartment in mind and a different plan altogether. This is going to be a tough one for me to come to grips with, friends. I guess there's no time like the New Year to change. It will be a slow change, and a process no doubt. But hey, the fact that I recognize that to begin with is an improvement for me, so maybe it won't be so bad. . . Thanks for listening. :)
5 comments:
Cristi - You're Awesome! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I needed reminding to chill out on the stressing. :)
It is SO true!
We tried for 7 years to have children...and nothing was fitting into my plan. It turns out, now looking back, it has worked out perfectly for me...but I WOULD NOT have said that during those 7 years. It is a good thing that I am not in charge of everything. :) (Did I just say that??? haha!)
Great post! Things never work out like we want them to. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that is what faith is for. Love ya!
Great post Cristi! I love that quote. Life does throw curve balls our way from time to time, but have to keep swinging! I think you guys are great by the way. Love the camera you got! Glad you had a good Christmas!
Oh the times I have found myself saying to Heavenly Father, "Really? Was my plan really that off? I thought it was pretty good!" His ways are not our ways. And definitely not mine.
Post a Comment