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Emotional Growth

I was a teenage bride. We married when I was 19 and Alan was 23.  I saw him as SO much older and wiser than me. Naturally, I looked to him for advice, support, and reassurance as any wife should. But I'm pretty sure I may have taken it to a whole new level. From the very beginning of our relationship, I instinctively perceived he was more advanced than me emotionally, and I was very attracted to this and the fact that I could lean on him. And I did. Often.

If I was feeling insecure about something, I felt it was his job to walk me through it, every time. If I was struggling with a challenge, I would declare to him that I couldn't handle it and that life was too hard. I expected him to single-handedly solve many of my problems. I wanted him to have all the answers.

Plus I have an uncanny ability to make things be about me, my fears, and my insecurities that actually are NOT about me, my fears, or my insecurities. I am so good at this that I can do it without even realizing it! How's that for multi tasking!?

I married an extremely patient man.

I remember often sitting up late in bed in our first apartment in Rexburg, Idaho talking about my problems. Alan would listen, give advice, and try to teach me about how life is hard for a reason and about how pain can be for our growth and learning. (Truths that I still struggle with.) He would even use humor and we shared many laughs together about my immaturity and how some of my thought processes made little sense. He helped open my mind to many new concepts and ideas. I am grateful, but it must have been such a burden to feel like he had to carry me so often for years.

I remember him commenting from time to time about how he wished he didn't always have to be the strong one and that it would be nice if I was a little more independent and self assured. And you know what? Deep down, I wanted that, too. I just didn't know how to get there. It turns out that for me, it took time and growth. I needed to mature and have a few more life experiences, and as life always does, it handed them out to me generously.

The dynamics of our relationship have changed significantly since the early days of our marriage. I am more independent and self assured and I am better at handling life's challenges, or at least I like to think so. I know I have grown and stretched. I still need his support and always ask for his advice, but I hope I am also able to be the strong one and carry him when he needs it, too. I am not very good at this, but know I do try.

People thought we were crazy for marrying so young, and maybe in some ways we were. We had very limited references as to what the real world was about and we were very naive about what it would take to run a household. But we did know a few things about living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and about forgiveness and commitment and honesty. And about getting up and trying again when you fall.

One thing is for sure-- I am forever grateful to a young, patient husband who so lovingly took my hand and listened and led. I can honestly say that Alan has never waivered in his dedication to me, even in my annoyingly neediest of times. His influence has shaped and molded me into who I am. It's fascinating to me how God pairs people together who give each other just the right nudges in a certain direction, and just the right amount of sanding and polish to make them shine.

And here's us on a date the other night:

Prescott Pines Field Trip

I volunteered to go on the 5th grade camping trip for two nights with Emma. I wanted her to wear fanny packs with me but she said she would only do it for one photo. Dang!

Kirsten, Jeronia, Maddie, Emma.

We stayed in cabins with heaters, thank goodness, because it was FREEZING!!! We were still having 90 degree weather in Phoenix but it was in the 30's up in the mountains.

 Dissecting owl pellets. 

Learning how to cook on a camp fire for survival.

Making a shelter. 

Our group was the "Cougars" and everyone teased me that I was one!

I got to do the zip line with the kids. It rocked!

Making S'mores.

Human Fusbol.

We had great time! (Except for the COLD! I should get major mom points!)

WARNING: HUNK OF BURNIN LOVE

When you find photos like this, it is important to post them so they will never be lost in the abyss that is your computer. Plus Rarrrr.

And he builds things like "Mega Desk" so we can computerize together.

More of Soccer

Emma has night practices and the sunsets are gorgeous!

Ryan is a trooper!

I read this on a friend's blog today and LOVED it! It's from a talk given at BYU in1989 by Patricia Holland (Jeffrey R. Holland's wife), entitled Filling the Measure of Your Creation.  She states:

"I once read a wonderful analogy of the limitations our present perspective imposes on us. The message was that in the ongoing process of creation—our creation and the creation of all that surrounds us—our heavenly parents are preparing a lovely tapestry with exquisite colors and patterns and hues. They are doing so lovingly and carefully and masterfully. And each of us is playing a part—our part—in the creation of that magnificent, eternal piece of art.

But in doing so we have to remember that it is very difficult for us to assess our own contributions accurately. We see the rich burgundy of a neighboring thread and think, “That’s the color I want to be.” Then we admire yet another’s soft, restful blue or beige and think, “No, those are better colors than mine.” But in all of this we don’t see our work the way God sees it, nor do we realize that others are wishing they had our color or position or texture in the tapestry—even as we are longing for theirs.

Perhaps most important of all to remember is that through most of the creative period we are confined to the limited view of the underside of the tapestry where things can seem particularly jumbled and muddled and unclear. If nothing really makes very much sense from that point of view, it is because we are still in process and unfinished. But our heavenly parents have the view from the top, and one day we will know what they know—that every part of the artistic whole is equal in importance and balance and beauty. They know our purpose and potential, and they have given us the perfect chance to make the perfect contribution in this divine design."

Squeezing Toothpaste

I had decided that we would never be one of those couples. You know, the kind that fights about dirty socks left on the floor and squeezing toothpaste. We would never need to waste our time on disagreements about such frivilous, silly things. And yet we had scarcely been married 2 months when I noticed Alan started leaving his socks all over our apartment and complaining about the way I squeezed our toothpaste! How could this be? Weren't we above this?

He prefered to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom, even using one of those plastic thingies that helps you push every bit of the remaining toothpaste up from the end of the tube to the top. He also prefered to keep the mouth of the tube and the cap perfectly clean, void of any signs of dried or goopy paste left to offend his toothbrush or his teeth the next time he brushed. 

I, on the other hand, squeezed the toothpaste however I wanted to. Sometimes I'd push it up from the bottom, sometimes I'd get lazy and squeeze a little out from the top or the middle, and I almost never wiped the mouth of the tube or the cap clean. I had never even thought twice about this in my life. 

This is marriage in many ways, isn't it? The merging of two lives, two different ways of doing things. Neither way was bad; mine was a little more lax and his was a little more particular. We were both able to achieve the objective, we just went about it in different ways. 

I came across a quote the other day that read something like, "Relationships are like the ocean; the deeper you go, the less the waves affect you." I feel this is true of our marriage. As our relationship has become deeper over time, we haven't been tossed upon the waves of disagreement and difference as often, especially over smaller things. We've learned when to brush certain things off, pun intended.

We ended up deciding to have separate toothpaste tubes and it has worked out nicely. On the occasions when we do share, he tries to be flexible with my haphazardness and I try to be mindful of his desire for toothpaste tidiness.

 As for the socks-- we're still working on that. :)

Little Women

Emma just finished reading "Little Women" so we watched the movie tonight. Sooo good! We blubbered through it and of course, we lamented the fact that Josephine (Winona Ryder) doesn't choose Laurie (Christian Bale). But something the mother says to Josephine struck me. It is precisely how I feel about Alan.

You have so many extraordinary gifts; how can you expect to lead an ordinary life?

I've always said Alan is the most talented person I've ever met. It is true. And because he has so many gifts, our life has not been ordinary. We have not taken a boring path. It has been one of risk taking and sometimes flying by the seat of our pants. It has been one of business start-ups and lofty goals. This is ironic because I always said I'd be happy married to a mail man because it would be stable and predictable. A mail man simply delivers the mail to his same route, day after day, and receives a regular pay check. That is not who I married at all and we joke about that from time to time. Our life has become much more stable in the past couple of years for which I am thankful. I am also curious to see where Alan's extraordinary gifts take us in the future.

He's 7 months!

I'm having fun practicting photography again. They are a bit out of focus but I still like them. 

He has decided he's going to climb the stairs. Time for baby proofing!