SANTA CAME!

This year we spent Christmas at my parents' house. It would have been a Tiny Tim of a Christmas morning if my parents weren't so willing to share their blessings with us. We are grateful to have had more than 3 presents under the tree. Actually, we couldn't afford a tree at all at our house! I know it's not about the tree or the gifts but giving is important and fun.

The Skechers they've wanted (thanks to the commercials on NickJr)

Brooke was sooo happy when she opened a coloring book from Emma.

And Emma jumped up and hugged grandma and grandpa when she opened their gifts!

And isn't Owen a handsome little guy?

Emma really wanted this Barbie carriage that turns into a hot air balloon. Thank you Santa!

It wouldn't be Christmas without some kind of melt down.

I made Tyler this rad Jedi robe.

Cori made the girls these SUPER cute tu-tu's!

Emma gave me this boa! Thanks love! She was stoked to give it to me. She is a very thoughtful girl. Grandma also had her and Brooke make ornaments for Alan and I.

Carli likes the Twilight Saga just a little teensy weensy bit.

Cori MADE this bag for mom. Yes, MADE it. Amazing. I think the was the year of home-made gifts because Carli also made me super cute apron that could easily sell professionally.

Tyler and Owen's gift from their parents was this sweet little boxer puppy who Tyler named Leah.

And we played Band Hero for hours.

Good memories, good times.

Christmas Eve at Grandma's House

Wrapping Presents

Eating Candy Canes
(out of dad's container from the 1960's)

My Peppermint Bark which will be a new tradition since it's easy, quick, and yummy!

Carli came home from San Diego! And doesn't she look FAB-U-LOUS?!!

More gift wrapping!

Grandma made Brooke and Emma their own little tree with all pink and purple ornaments and lights.

Making cookies for Santa with grandpa Jeff!

That night we read from Luke chapter 2 and talked about Jesus and his birth. I started tearing up. I'm so thankful for Him.

Who?

Ok Twelve Days of Christmas Elves! You've spoiled with us goodies, candy, fruit, cookies, chocolates, games/ puzzles, a movie, gift cards, music, caramel corn, bagels and cream cheese, cereal, milk, root beer, hot chocolate, a YUMMY dinner with tons of creativity and love, all tied in with the 12 days of Christmas song! We're kind of dying to know who you are. If you're reading this, THANK YOU again!

Check it Out!

The management of our apartment complex held a porch decorating contest last week.

The prizes:
1st place $500 off of January's rent
2nd place $300 off

3rd place $150 off

Honorable mention: $50 off

We really need the money so we pulled out all the stops. We borrowed some of my mom's decor and we went crazy with it. (By the way-- you could fund a small school in Africa by selling all Christmas stuff as she has). Alan put our TV in the window with a screen saver of a fire place on it! And he recorded himself singing in the shower as if he were Santa. We played the recording of it in the water heater closet as if that was the bathroom and Santa was showering in there. Alan also spent 6 hours putting up the wrapping paper on the walls, and I worked on the planning and everything else a little each day for about 2 weeks.

And it paid off because we WON First Place!!! That's right!!! $500!!!

The judges said they loved the detail and thought put into it. I did a little kissing up, too, as I put the names of all the staff members on "Santa's Nice List." We were pretty stoked to win because there were about 20 other participants and some really cute porches. The Lord has blessed us. He gave us the tools and said GO and DO! I'm not a competitive person but man I wanted this!

Close Call

We almost had a close call with our 12 Days of Christmas "Secret Elves," as we've been calling them. The other night one of Emma's kindergarten friends came by with her mom and I went out to the parking lot to say hi. Apparently the elves came right when I was standing there because when I came back in Alan said, "Did you see the elves? They just knocked."

I couldn't believe that I missed them by seconds! I'm glad though because not knowing adds to the fun.

Those elves sure are good!

The Suit

Me as Santa. . . Holla!

Girls Night

Cori Ann had an extra ticket to a Sacramento Kings basketball game last weekend and invited me to come with! It was a ton of fun and I still can't get over how tall those NBA guys are! Thanks Sis!

Christmas Magic

Sunday night I was lying in bed, sobbing about our financial situation--you may have seen an earlier post about it but the hubs wanted me to delete it since it was pretty embarrassing. :)

Alan has been a student for most of our married life (and has 2+ years to go) which has made money a constant challenge. He's done the best he can to balance work and school and I'm so proud of him, but it's been hard. It's also been a top priority that I stay home with the kids no matter what, so I haven't worked outside the home. And Alan works during the day at trying to start a web business and goes to school at night so my options for getting a job are pretty limited, unless I work graveyard somewhere. . . no thank you! I'd be a pretty useless mom during the day I think.

And our house in CO, which we never should have purchased, will likely be foreclosing after all (the bank didn't accept the short sale offer because we have an FHA loan, and blah blah blah). In short, we have ridiculous amounts of debt, declining credit, very little income, and still a long road ahead until graduation, passing the BAR, etc. I honestly don't know how we're making it.

Sunday night I was just so T.I.R.E.D. I haven't broken down about all this in a long time, but as I lay there feeling sorry for myself, there was a knock at the door and Alan came in a few minutes later with a gift basket of goodies and a note informing us we would be receiving gifts/ treats for the 12 days of Christmas!!!

It's a secret, of course, so we don't know who it is. But if it's YOU that has been coming, I want to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Or if you know who it is, please tell them for us! It is making us feel so loved and comforted and humbled. The girls are so excited every night and we've certainly been cheered up. We are so thankful for you and we will never forget this! You have been so generous already!

Thank you for bringing some much needed Christmas Magic to our home this year!

I like this

I've been hearing of many divorces lately and it makes me so sad. I like to remember this!

Post Partum Depression-- A Gospel Perspective

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS ARTICLE IN THE AUGUST ENSIGN (LDS MAGAZINE). IT SEEMS POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION HAS BEEN VIEWED BY SOME AS TABOO, EVEN IN THE CHURCH. SOME THINK THE ANSWER IS TO "KEEP YOUR CHIN UP" AND "JUST HAVE A LITTLE MORE FAITH." WHILE OPTIMISM AND FAITH SHOULD NEVER BE UNDERESTIMATED, WE SHOULD STILL RECOGNIZE THAT DEPRESSION IS A REAL CHEMICAL IMBALANCE. IT'S NOT JUST THAT YOU'RE HAVING A HARD TIME. IT'S A REAL PHYSICAL AILMENT, JUST LIKE A BROKEN BONE, THAT NEEDS TREATMENT. WHILE THE SAVIOR CAN PERFORM MIRACLES AND HEAL ANY AILMENT, I THINK WE SHOULD REMEMBER HE HAS ALSO GIVEN US THE MIRACLE OF MEDICINE. I EXPERIENCED POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION AFTER BROOKE WAS BORN AND IT WAS AWFUL. I'M NOT EMBARRASSED TO SAY THAT I TOOK ANTI-DEPRESSANTS AND STILL DO. PLEASE DON'T FEEL BAD IF YOU DO! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Lynn Clark Callister, “Managing Postpartum Depression: A Gospel Perspective,” Ensign, Aug 2009, 62–67

When a woman is struggling with postpartum depression, it’s important that she have support from her husband, family members, and others.

After four years of trying to have another baby, Anna (names have been changed) and her husband were grateful for the birth of a daughter. But Anna found that adapting to the needs of a newborn, in addition to caring for her sons, was overwhelming. She found herself sinking into depression in spite of her best attempts to manage everything and maintain a sense of normalcy. Anna was struggling with postpartum depression.

All mothers, including Anna, know that having a baby is “supposed” to be a happy time and new mothers are “supposed” to be grateful for this incredible blessing in their lives. Yet for some women, postpartum mood disorders detract significantly from these happy feelings. Postpartum depression is manifested in many ways and can have physical, emotional, and even spiritual implications for the women who suffer from it. For instance, these women might have unrealistic expectations for themselves at a time of great transition, feeling that they should be able to do everything immediately for themselves and their newborn because they should be “super-mom” and “super-wife.”

It is important that these women—and their families—understand what postpartum depression is (and what it is not), recognize symptoms, find effective ways to manage it, and, most of all, know that there is hope for normal functioning while dealing with feelings of depression.

A woman’s experiencing postpartum depression does not mean that she is weak, that she has done something wrong, or that she is to blame for her overwhelming feelings. In most cases the state is temporary. Suffering from postpartum depression, like facing other trials, can bring us closer to the Savior as we find ways to obtain spiritual strength. As former Young Women general president Ardeth G. Kapp explained: “We know about our Savior, but it is often in our adversities that we truly find Him and know Him and love Him. … I can testify from my own experience in life that some of our heaviest burdens, disappointments, and heartaches can in time be replaced with ‘the peace of God, which passeth all understanding’ (Philippians 4:7) while we ‘wait upon the Lord’ (Isaiah 40:31).”1

More Than Just the “Baby Blues”

For some women, giving birth creates temporary feelings of sadness that are often referred to as the “baby blues.” Symptoms—which usually appear within the first week after giving birth and can last up to 10 days—may include tearfulness, irritability, fatigue, anxiety, and emotional sensitivity with highs and lows. Baby blues are most often attributed to physical changes the mother is experiencing, but these symptoms can be aggravated by sleep deprivation, inadequate nutrition, a challenging infant, and lack of support. The baby blues are observed in all cultures across the world and affect up to 80 percent of women who give birth.

In contrast, postpartum depression is an illness with a biochemical basis. Although no one is sure what the exact cause is, researchers believe that the hormone-level shifts that occur during pregnancy and after childbirth may contribute to chemical changes in the brain. That, combined with the stresses and fatigue that accompany having a new baby, can lead to depression. About 10 percent of women who have a baby will experience postpartum depression, which typically occurs within four weeks after giving birth but can occur anytime during the following year. Many women who experience postpartum depression have had a previous encounter with depression; new mothers in this category should closely monitor their feelings so they can get help if symptoms appear and escalate.

Some women experiencing postpartum depression start to feel better within a few weeks, while others don’t feel “like themselves” for several months. But help is not out of reach: identifying symptoms is the first step to starting to feel good again.

Symptoms

Often, a new mother assumes that feeling depressed demonstrates weakness. She may even worry that others will think less of her if they know how she is feeling. For these and other reasons, she might not discuss her symptoms, leaving the postpartum depression to go undiagnosed and untreated.

John, speaking of his family’s experience with postpartum depression, said, “My wife, Carolyn, hid her symptoms from everyone, even me. It was hard for me to know how much she was truly suffering. I think she thought that as the bishop’s wife she couldn’t let anyone—not me, not her friends, not her mother—know what was going on.”

Dr. Cheryl Tatano Beck, a noted nurse-researcher, calls postpartum depression “a thief that steals motherhood.”2 But family members and close friends can help mitigate this “theft” by watching for its symptoms. They may notice behavioral changes in the new mother, including the following:

• • A depressed mood lasting most of every day.

• • The absence of laughter or play with the infant.

• • A downcast or blank facial expression.

• • Persistent sadness.

• • Comments about flaws she perceives in herself or the infant.

• • Indications of feelings of guilt or inadequacy.

• • Indecisiveness about ordinary matters.

• • Noticeable irritation, especially related to the infant’s fussing or crying. (See “Symptoms of Postpartum Depression” sidebar on page 30 for more internal signs that only mothers themselves may notice.)

If family members and close friends think they detect some of these symptoms but aren’t sure, they can sensitively ask the mother such questions as “Are you feeling down [or depressed or hopeless]? How long have you been feeling that way?” or “Do you feel a lack of joy in your life?” Once the mother and those closest to her recognize the symptoms, they can begin to get a handle on the depression.

Managing Postpartum Depression

Managing postpartum depression is important not only for the woman’s welfare but also for that of the infant and the rest of the family. Because the mother is often the center of her child’s social environment, her mood affects the child. And the mother’s and the baby’s well-being affect the family’s well-being.

Because this condition affects the entire family, the management of the postpartum depression is a family concern. It is important for the woman to have support from her husband, family members, and others.

Support from Family and Friends. According to “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” “husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children.”3 The primary strategies for meeting the challenge of postpartum depression are to strengthen the couple’s relationship and increase the husband’s sensitivity. It is essential that the new mother have help and support from her husband in activities like these:

• • Taking over household tasks and the care of other children.

• • Limiting the number of visitors to foster a peaceful environment. (For some women, however, having visitors may help alleviate symptoms of depression.)

• • Helping the mother get enough rest, appropriate nutrition, and exercise.

• • Assisting with infant care.

• • Becoming educated about postpartum depression.

• • Giving priesthood blessings as appropriate.

• • Offering the gift of presence—listening, caring, and just being with her. Accompanied by a hug, a healing conversation may be just one sentence long: “This must be very hard for you.”

• • Encouraging the new mother to get professional assistance as appropriate.

Rachel, who experienced postpartum depression after the birth of her third child, said, “The smallest task seemed insurmountable because I lacked emotional and physical energy. I was so grateful that my husband was understanding and compassionate and assisted me in getting the help I so sorely needed.”

Postpartum depression may be difficult for a husband to understand, and sometimes he may react with confusion, frustration, anger, guilt, anxiety, or embarrassment. It may be helpful for him to engage in counseling or reading to increase his understanding of postpartum depression and to learn how he can be most helpful. His doing so can benefit both him and his wife.

Johanna, who suffered postpartum depression after having preterm twins, said, “Although the experience was challenging for Sam and me, our marriage became stronger. We became closer in our relationship than we had ever been before. We worked together to resolve issues. I relied on him for priesthood blessings. We truly communicated with each other and the Lord.”

Extended family and the Church community can augment the support of the father. Kathleen H. Hughes, former counselor in the Relief Society general presidency, spoke about her experience with postpartum depression and the help she received from others:

“After the birth of our son … , I sank into a horrible depression. Many of the women in my family suffer from postpartum depression and, as you may know, in those days medical professionals did very little to help women with this condition. I was left to fight my way out of the darkness.

“But those hard times for me were often tempered and lightened by wonderful sisters in the ward who cared for my children and who cared for me physically, emotionally, and spiritually—helping me through that emotional battle.”4

Women might find additional support through organizations for new mothers. Christine, who lived far from extended family and felt alone after she had her first baby, reported, “As I talked to other young mothers in my housing complex, I found a lot of commonalities in our struggles. It really helped—and I even found myself laughing instead of crying.”

Professional Treatment. New mothers might consider seeking professional assistance, including counseling from LDS Family Services (see www.ldsfamilyservices.org) or from an appropriate source recommended by a health care provider. For some, medication may be necessary, as prescribed by a psychiatrist or other clinician.

Taking Care of Yourself. It is vital that new mothers care for themselves by resting as much as possible, eating a nutritious diet, and taking “time out” with mothers’ groups or children’s play groups.

In addition, because motherhood is physically and emotionally demanding, mothers should set realistic goals that allow for flexibility, remembering that “to every thing there is a season” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Elizabeth, who gave birth to four daughters in a period of just a few years, said, “It isn’t feasible to quit doing housework and cooking when there are other children needing clean clothes and lunch. I found it helpful to do just a little bit each day—one load of laundry, cleaning the bathroom sink (instead of the whole bathroom), planning the meals, and having my husband do the shopping. Feeling productive, even if it’s just a little each day, is very encouraging.”

Other Helpful Outlets. Other activities might also be helpful in managing and overcoming postpartum depression:

• • Listening to uplifting music.

• • Reading the scriptures and other inspiring books. Anna reported that she especially enjoyed reading 2 Nephi 4, which documents Nephi’s feelings of discouragement and doubt, then his growing recognition of the love of the Lord for him: “My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions” (2 Nephi 4:20).

• • Keeping a journal. Rachel said, “As I wrote in my journal, I was able to articulate my feelings of deep despair. It helped me to become more aware of what seemed to trigger feelings of depression. It also helped me begin to count my blessings.”

• • Praying for help and comfort. Anna said, “Being depressed made it harder for me to feel the comfort of the Holy Spirit I so desperately needed. I tried to challenge the negative voices that left me feeling weaker and doubting my capacity to overcome my negative emotions.” Johanna asked herself and the Lord this question as she engaged in personal prayer and contemplation, “Heavenly Father, what am I supposed to learn from this?”

The Place of Trials in Our Lives

Recognizing that we can learn from our trials can strengthen our faith, even as we are in the midst of them. God does not leave us alone in our struggle to find hope. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counseled: “To any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope, I say: Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you.”5 And He does. Sister Patricia Holland, Elder Holland’s wife, once invited us to return to “the wholeness of our soul, that unity in our very being that balances the demanding and inevitable diversity of life.”6

Anna explained the process she went through: “As I struggled to overcome postpartum depression, I sought to get beyond the darkness and into the light, the light of the Son of God. I wept as I read Isaiah 53:3–4, understanding fully for the first time that the Savior was ‘a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. … Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows.’ I held on to the promise that the Savior was my personal Savior, that He had been sent to ‘give unto [us] beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness’ (Isaiah 61:3). As I looked toward the Savior, I realized more fully that He knew my pain, that He could sensitively succor me as I reached out to Him.”

Symptoms of Postpartum Depression

Mothers experiencing postpartum depression may have one or more of the following symptoms:

• • Struggling for perfection.

• • Feeling overwhelmed or feeling a sense of failure.

• • Experiencing shattered expectations.

• • Plunging into despair.

• • Having difficulty focusing and concentrating.

• • Feeling lonely.

• • Panicking.

• • Having difficulty sleeping.

• • Lacking appetite.

• • Feeling as though she is losing her mind.

• • Struggling to survive.

Family members and close friends can help mitigate postpartum depression by watching for its symptoms and offering help and support.

Recognizing that we can learn from our trials can strengthen our faith, even as we are in the midst of adversity.

Stellar News!

Just returned from Emma's Parent/Teacher conference and it looks like she's OUTSTANDING! All O's! Remember when they used to give O's? In case you don't, they're like A's but for little kids! What a difference from last year when her teacher said she was smart, but had a difficult personality, was bossy, and that I had a lot of work on my hands, etc.

Her teacher today told us she's got a wonderful attitude, she's very enthusiastic, and sets a good example for others. She's above proficient in reading and math. She said we've done a great job nurturing her and that she'll be an AP/Honors student someday.

I cannot even tell you how I felt to hear that. I almost started crying. Emma has been let's say, challenging, for Alan and I as parents since day 1. I have often wondered if my parenting was doing anything or if I should just give up and get a job and put her in day care because maybe they'd know what she needed. I've wondered at times if she needed a mom or someone, ANYONE, who has skills I just don't have. I've felt like a failure many times. To hear someone praise her and praise me was unreal. It made all the sacrifice feel worth it.

Thankful! Thankful! Thankful!

HAPPY 8 YEARS!

November 10th was our 8th Anniversary!!!

We usually go out and spend a wad of cash at the nicest restaurant we can find, but this year we did something a little different and more budget friendly, but still tons of fun!

We went to Lake Natoma and rented a canoe!

It was a beautiful, crisp, fall day.
Being on the water was so relaxing. We just laughed and joked and enjoyed being together.

We could see the Sacramento Temple as we paddled. You can see the top of it in this pic below.

We had lunch at a fun little cafe called "O Brot." Yum!

My mom and sister took the girls that day and the night before, so we had the house to ourselves. I slept in until 9:30 and took a long bath when I got up-- fabulous!
I love you, Alan. What a blessed day, and what a blessed life we have.

For Grandpa Byron

This one is for Grandpa Byron-- a dentist.

Happy Veteran's Day

I took the girls to the Folsom Veteran's Day parade today. While we were there I got choked up thinking about all the men and women who have sacrificed for our country and our freedom. I explained to the girls that because of them, we get to live our lives freely and go and do as we please (as long as we obey the laws). I feel so thankful we can jump in the car whenever we want or grab the stroller and walk down the street to wherever we want.

It reminded me of the 8th Grade Washington D.C. trip I got to be a part of. . .

and all the memorials such as The Vietnam War Memorial:

It's mind boggling how many names there are on that one alone.

Then I started thinking about the trip I got to take to the Dominican Republic in high school. . .


And how very grateful I am to live in a country where most of the people will never have to live in a house like this:

There are major issues in countries like this with poverty, safety, health, and education. I feel blessed to have the life I have in America, and I owe much of that to the sacrifices of others, namely my family, the American Soldier and our Savior Jesus Christ.