This photo was taken in May 2001 when Alan and I had been dating for only a few weeks. He came to meet me after my Nutrition class and we were talking in the hall outside. It was during a Summer term, so the campus was much less crowded than usual and it was only the two of us in the hall. We had become comfortable with hugging by this time and as we talked, Alan took me in his arms and I put my arms around him. This is where it gets really cool. We both leaned slightly backwards and at the EXACT SAME TIME we both sighed and said, "SAFE." We looked at each other in disbelief. Had we both just said that, at the exact same time? Had we both just expressed the same relief to be feeling safe in the other person's arms? Wow. It was such an amazing thing that we went back to my apartment and took this photo. This "coincidence" was not lost on us.
This has become even more significant to me as I've reflected upon a previous relationship or two in which I realize looking back now, I did not feel safe. I KNEW with Alan that I would be respected and protected. I just KNEW in my core that he would never treat me selfishly or disregard my feelings. I KNEW this man didn't have it in him to hurt me on purpose. Sure, we would eventually have some miscommunications and immature blunders, but his heart was pure. And he felt the same way when he was with me. This became a significant part of the foundation we began to build.
Recently I read a self help article about how to find true, lasting love. Her advice was astounding, especially when I considered the experience Alan and I had:
A good relationship makes you feel safe and loved. In fact, the top feeling a relationship should inspire is “safety.” Even before you feel true love itself. Why? Without safety, you will never arrive at feeling true love—because you won’t allow yourself to be vulnerable enough for true intimacy.
In fact, in a good relationship your partner should WANT to make you feel both safe and loved. They should even feel happy to do what they can to make sure you feel this way.
It won’t matter how sexy, smart, funny etc your partner is – if you don’t feel safe – you won’t be able to enjoy a happy, healthy relationship.
-Karen Salmansohn
After reading that, I knew I had to find this photo of us and write this blog post. I searched through our computer files for hours and I was about to take a break but decided to look through two more folders and I found it! I am still amazed at this concept of "safety" and that Alan and I recognized it, almost subconciously, so early on in our courtship. I know the Lord led me to him and I am grateful.
P.S. Also, we would often wear the same color on the same day which was strange, too. Above was orange and we have other pictures of us both wearing green, white, and others.
