Our student loans

I know you've all heard me complain about our student loans. You all know the story of Alan going to law school for 3 years then having to quit when he was over half way done because we had a house that foreclosed in Colorado and we could no longer qualify for student loans. At first, not being able to finish seemed devastating, but it turned out to be just the blessing we needed, and saved us from foolishly taking out even more loans and putting ourselves in even more chains of bondage. 

It turned out that the job market for lawyers was terrible and we'd have a difficult time trying to pay those loans back on what his salary would likely be. His law school guidance counselor even recommended that he quit and use his Bachelor's Degree to get a job doing computer programming. And that's exactly what he did, and we've seen some of the biggest blessings we've ever received. He has had 3 jobs since quitting law school 4 1/2 years ago, each one better than the last. Each one was relatively easy to acquire and each company has valued him greatly. 

Even with his job prospects looking so good, about 6 months after quitting law school, I became very depressed and went to a dark place. I felt like the weight of our debt and the wasted years and money would absolutely crush me. I saw no end in sight, and many of our dreams to travel, buy a home, and have more children were shattered, all because we had been following what we thought was the Lord's plan for us and we were too young and naive to see the huge hole we were digging ourselves into. My frustration was the deepest I had ever felt and I thought I would drown in despair. We had spent 3 years struggling for nothing. I had largely been a single mom for 3 years for nothing. We had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars for NOTHING. I saw an LDS family therapist to help me work through this. She suggested that Alan and I make some kind of a chain to help us see our progress as we paid our student loans off. At the time, I thought it was a good idea but I was completely overwhelmed so I tucked it away as an idea for later. 

 Over the last few months in Primary, we've been making a scripture chain. We've been adding links to the chain for every chapter the children read. When this was over yesterday, I said I'd like to take the chain home and use it for something. 

I decided to hang it in the garage and each link on the chain will represent a certain amount of money. As we pay, we will take the chains off one by one, and they will slowly decrease. I am a visual person so this will be very helpful to me. This chain will likely hang there for 10 years, but it is a reminder that Alan and I can do hard things, and it will teach our children about endurance and accountability and consequences. 

 At first, I was so unsure we'd ever be able to make a monthly payment big enough to even start to whittle away at our gigantic beast, that I didn't even think it would be worth it to try to track our progress. It has taken time, but eventually the numbers have started to go down. We've been paying our student loans for about 3 years now and we estimate it will be another 10 before it's gone. In the beginning, we thought it would be 25 years or more, so now only 13 seems amazing. I won't say how much our monthly payment is, but I will say it's a good amount higher than the average mortgage. It is depressing to think about what we could be doing with that money instead, so I choose not to think about it and just be grateful for what I have.

 Sometimes I still wish the Lord could have just told us we were not on the right path and that He could just take our chains away in one instant somehow. But I can say that He has made our burdens so light that we cannot feel them on our backs. We are in "chains," but the Lord has blessed us with such a wonderful job and side business that have enabled us to buy a home, have another child, and even do a few fun things, as well. I assumed the Lord forgot us when I was so discouraged and depressed. I was as bitter as the day is long. But the Lord took away my hard heart and showed me He can make all things work together for our good.